The Secret to Taking Risks

   This morning I went to the YMCA for my first Water Aerobics class and I was nervous because it was my first time and I didn't know anyone.

   I know... ME. Wendy Everts. Nervous to be with people. There's a lot you don't know about me.

   I interrupted some folks talking in the locker room to make sure I was in the right place and right away they asked me if I would go to lunch with them. The class was all going out to lunch and they wanted to make sure I knew about it. I smiled and felt welcomed and, of course, figured that these were the outgoing ladies of the group.

   But then I went to class and the teacher made an announcement and made sure I knew the class was all going out to lunch. "How nice," I thought.

   After the class started, the late comers straggled in.

   All be darned if each of those late women didn't swim over to me and ask if I knew the class was going to lunch. Each one of them.

   Hmmmm... Maybe there is something more than personality that leads these folks to all invite me to their lunch. I've been reflecting since this morning about that.

   Why does this class have a large amount of folks inviting me to lunch? What is their secret? Are they trained in welcoming? Did the teacher ask them to? It's not like the goal of the class is social. I could see the teacher being welcoming, but the ladies in the class? It was above and beyond. It was almost..... alarming. Definitely meaningful and noteworthy... blog worthy.

   I definitely kept thinking about it all day, trying to figure it out. My mind wanted to analyze the generous culture of invitation and make it complicated. I wanted to give it deep psychological meaning. And yet, all day, I kept going back to something a boss once said to me. I worked for him when I was young and impressionable. He had started the business just a year earlier and one day out of the blue he asked me, "Wendy, do you know the secret to staying in business?" I was curious because that seemed like an important secret to know. He answered, "Staying in business."

   I chuckled. That seemed too simple. There were books written about the subject. There were complicated answers to how to stay in business. Maybe it's both. Maybe there is deeper understanding and technique, but also... just simple grit. Stay.

   Maybe it's that simple with these ladies in the pool as well.

   I can't help but think fondly about our church and all the wonderful people that already have a heart to greet folks they don't know. But as usual, I long for more. I long for our church and any church for that matter to be FILLED with people that look for the person sitting alone, and the newcomer.

   There is a reason Jesus said, "Go and make disciples!" Jesus knew that we had to have an invitation to build something. On our own we would be with the same safe people, the people we know and trust. Before and after church someone has to be the first to say, "Hey, instead of talking together, let's go find people we don't know! Let's create something bigger than ourselves!"

   Who is going to do that? The answer I always hear? Wendy. Wendy will do it because she's really good at it. She's natural at it and she likes it. That's just who she is...

   You all don't know me very well.
    Truth - I am an extrovert. I process aloud and with people.
    Truth - I do love a good party.
    Truth - I am warm and make people feel safe.
    False - It is natural for me to go up to people I don't know and talk to them.

    Truth is, before I go talk to someone new I am nervous and insecure that they will think I am weird. Truth is, because I am uninhibited I DO say things that are weird. Truth is, when I go to church I am surrounded by my besties and I want nothing more than to sit with all of them and hear their news, and their struggles and their heart. Truth is, when I say hello to new people and meet them I wonder if I am promising friendship with them that I can't fill. Truth is, welcoming new people has ALWAYS been a choice. I choose it. I do it because I long to see growth and change more than I want my comfort.

   The secret to taking risks.... is taking risks. That's all.

   If you wait to be like your role model before you do something, then you will always stay the same. To become like the person you admire, you have to do things that are uncomfortable. You have to put yourself in the vulnerable place of looking stupid.

     To risk looking stupid we have to really care about what we are building. Back in high school I was preoccupied with getting a boyfriend. That was pretty clear. But now, it's not hidden by anyone that I love to build the Kingdom of God. Back when I was trying to get a boyfriend I was SO willing to feel silly for that cause because of what I might gain in the end. But now, I have to constantly remember that when I welcome the newcomer, at the very least, they gain community. But in the end they just might seek prayer and healing and break free from the life of bondage that they are in. It's WORTH IT!

       No one welcomes new people without risk... even extroverts.

       Most recently there was a woman at church that I distinctly remember greeting a couple years ago. She didn't receive me warmly so I backed off a bit and continued to be kind and let her be. Then a couple months ago we bumped into each other and she opened up to me about that first time we had met. She said, "Wow, you are actually quite pleasant after all.... when I first met you, you seemed kind of hyper and I really didn't like you." I laughed.

       This one time when I was a missionary to the college campus at CU Boulder I was hanging out with a group of students that I wanted to build relationship with so I could invite them to a Bible Study I was leading. They were talking about carving pumpkins together later that evening and I thought that sounded fun so I said, "Where are you guys carving pumpkins.. Can I come?" They agreed. It wasn't a resounding yes, but it wasn't forced either. I asked them if I should bring my own pumpkin and they answered, "No, that's okay, just come."
      I arrived at the dorms a little late where they were hanging out and I went to the room that they were in. The room was dimly lit, and there were candles everywhere surrounding them. Interestingly, I didn't notice how when they were talking earlier that there were exactly two boys and two girls. I didn't notice them flirting with each other.... but I sure did notice when I walked in the room that there were exactly two pumpkins. One for each couple. None for me. I had invited myself to a double date folks. I did. Now, any normal person would've made up an excuse for why they couldn't stay and gotten the heck out of there. Not me. I just sort of plunked myself down and tried to make lemons into lemonade. Most... awkward... night... of my life folks. I spent two hours painfully watching them flirt an carve pumpkins.

      This other time, Don and I lived next to an apartment full of college freshmen. Don and I were always nice to our neighbors. We would be welcoming and knock on their door and give them treats.
After living next to them for almost 8 months our doors were open on a sunny day and I could hear them playing video games so I thought I would kill time by asking if I could play too. I walked over and put myself out there, "Hey can I play? I love video games and we don't have any at our house." Wow... can I play? That was a money start. I sat there and watched them play. I hinted that I would really like to play too but they never really gave me the controls. After about 15 minutes the other housemates came home after their classes and they shut the door so they could smoke weed. There I was, sitting in a cloud of pot smoke with a bunch of freshmen boys watching them play video games. Don learned a long time ago that when he asked the question, "What did you do today?" he never really knew what the answer was going to be.

      So there it is. You live the life you value and you build what you live. You are building something. My guess is that you if you decided to say hello to one person sitting alone or invited a new person to go to lunch with your normal crew, you might actually be BETTER at it than I was in the beginning. You probably won't even end up on a double date OR in a room full of college boys smoking pot. You will probably have the same moments of discomfort that I still have and unfortunately there is no training for how to get over this. The secret to being welcoming, is to be welcoming.

   Sorry I can't be more genius than that.