10 Life Changing Conversations.....

   I've had more than 10 conversations in my life. These just happened to be the ones that made me think, "WOAH THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING!!!!" It's amazing what just one sentence will do. Let's go ahead and get started.

1. I have a very good friend in Colorado who is the kind of person that people go to when they are in a pinch financially. She said that in her life she had been asked by friends if they could borrow a couple thousand dollars and pay her back.
   I was pretty floored by this news. As a missionary, I couldn't fathom having thousands of dollars extra, and I couldn't fathom being asked by friends if they could borrow it. I was so curious and asked her, "What did you do? Did you lend them the money?" Her answer rocked my world, "No I don't lend them any money. I give it to them."
   I don't remember the next part word for word, but she said that she learned a long time ago that when any friend asked to borrow money it was never worth ruining the friendship to expect that money back. She felt that if she said yes, then she needed to be ready to give it freely and not expect anything in return. If she couldn't do that, then she didn't say yes to that friend.
  
   This conversation happened about 10 years ago, but it is the foundation in which I can live in community freely no matter how big the sum. I never lend money... I give it. Thank you Susan White for leading me to freedom.

2.  When I was in college I had one friend who heard me say critical things about other people over and over and one time she interrupted me and said, "Hey Wendy stop. Instead of deciding that people are right or wrong, why don't you just decide not to do it that way?"'
   That one sentence set me on a trajectory to become more self aware and understanding. There is a big difference between needing mercy and just having a different way of doing something. Along the same lines I had another friend that taught me to "Always assume the best in people first. Even if they are doing something that hurts you." When mercy is needed, we can still approach with assuming the best.
   Thank you Sue Mills and Scott Anderson for leading me to freedom.

3. It's not a secret that my first year of marriage was hard. I will talk about it with anyone. Don was very careful with his words, I was Lackadaisical. (I am using that word to flirt with him in case he reads my blog). He hated it when I was careless about my words, and I hated it when he corrected me. Instead of seeing clearly that words were important to him and that it had nothing to do with me, I would get defensive and mad and accuse him of thinking I was stupid.
   One day, after accusing him just one too many times that he thought I was stupid he burst and said, "No I don't think you are stupid Wendy, you think you are stupid, or it wouldn't bother you so much!!!"
   That sent me into a time of anger and reflection that would change me forever. I got in touch with my true opinion of myself and you know what? He was right. His willingness to speak Truth, changed me forever. I am NOT stupid. Go ahead and correct me now. It's not about me anymore.
   Thank you Don Everts for leading me to freedom.

4. Kids have a way of innocently convicting you without even trying. My oldest son came home from Kindergarten with a new saying that he told me after I was whining about how little space we had in our Colorado home. "You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit mom!"
   It's a saying that most school kids learn when the teacher passes out snack. They don't want them fighting over the color or the flavor, they just want them to be thankful with what they have. Funny how that saying sticks with them and they repeat it even in high school. We still say it at our house when we whine over something like I'm sure most of you do too. It's a pretty common saying.
   I'd like to think that I'm a content and thankful person. You just never know when you lack it until your kids hold you accountable.
   Thanks Simon and Teya and Victor for leading me to freedom.

5. My grade school counselor was big and tall and his name was Mr. Valentine.
   Fifth grade was the year that Mr. Valentine came in to give us a little pep talk about growing up. I sat wide eyes at his wisdom. He said things that I had never heard before. Probably my mom would say she had told those things to me every day but when Mr. Valentine said it I listened.
   His point was that there is trauma in our lives that we don't choose, but there are lots of things in life that no one makes us do, or be, WE GET TO CHOOSE!!! We get to choose our attitude. We get to choose how we will act at home and at school. We get to choose to be good students or bad students.
   My head was spinning from that afternoon. It was the first time in my life that I asked the question, "Who is Wendy? Who do I want to be?" This is probably important for everyone, but especially good timing for me. Having a dad with Schizophrenia there were so many things in life that I felt I didn't get to choose. I think that I had the weight of victim on my shoulders. Understanding that I actually had many things that I DID get to choose changed my life.
   Thank you Mr. Valentine for leading me to freedom.

6. Perhaps the next natural conversation following #5 would be my mom. There were a lot of days that my dad would do something weird but normal for him. We would get phone calls from people about something dad did that needed to be "fixed" by mom. Money that he spend out of paranoia, or sleeping in the hallway to protect us from the people that were "coming for us." Our special saying between me and my mom that we repeat to this day is... "We're going to be okay. It's just getting there."
   Sometimes sayings don't mean much, but this saying lifted us because it reminded us of the Truth that we WERE going to be fine. It kept us from falling into despair and hopelessness. It also helped us support each other when we were down. When I feel stuck to this day, I still say this to my mom, and she still says it to me. Speaking truth to ourselves and each other fights the lies and changes us.
   Thank you Lois Yale for leading me to freedom.

7.  One of the walls I put up way back when I was a junior in High School was to not cry in front of my family. When you grow up in trauma that is a natural thing to do. When you get tired of being hurt, you protect yourself.
   The year I moved to Missouri I lost three beloved family members. The first one was my Grandpa Ed on my mom's side. I can remember getting the phone call that he died and I felt doomed that I would have to cry in front of my mom when I went back home. That very night I walked into church for a function and I bypassed everyone and went to cry in a room all by myself. When I came out a woman looked at me and was filled with the Holy Spirit and received a prophetic word. She put her hands around my face and said, "You are NOT a child of the enemy, you are a child of GOD. You need to lay down your fears and walk in freedom!"
   At the time I was overwhelmed with the truth of that but I wasn't ready to live it out. I told her thank you and I would consider her words. I went home to mourn my loss and decided to choose to be brave and vulnerable. When my mom picked me up from the airport I said right away, "Mom. I need you to know that it's hard for me to cry in front of you, but I'm going to do it this weekend. I just needed to say that."
   Saying those words to my mom felt brave. I remember having a weekend free from holding myself in. I was able to let go and let my grandpa go too.
   Thank you LaCretia Neunreiter for leading me to freedom.

8. That leads me to the next one which is the realization that we actually take vows that keep us from living the life we were meant to live.
    When I lived in Boulder a friend of mine shared with me that they had discovered through prayer that they had taken a vow early in life that they would never ask for help. That vow was lived out through a life of independence. Not a good vow when you are in ministry. Asking for help is the way missionaries raise their budget, and get volunteers... My friend said that when she and her husband discovered this vow, they confessed it and the walls came down and they were leading a whole new life of freedom.
   I was amazed at this and asked God, "If I have taken an unhealthy vow, will you please reveal it to me?" A couple years ago I was sitting in spiritual direction and I was talking about the time that my grandpa died and I realized that not wanting to cry in front of my family was a product of a vow I had taken long ago, "I will never let anyone affect me and give me pain, ever again."
   I won't go into detail about how this vow affected me. You could ask my friends in High School and College though. They know. I have pushed a lot of people away.
   I have confessed this vow and asked God to heal these places in my heart. I am able to feel deep love and affection now and it sometimes scares me. Thank you Connie Anderson for leading me to freedom.

9.  Number nine isn't a conversation I had but a movie I watched about Mother Teresa. The documentary of Mother Teresa should not be watched unless you are willing to have your world turned upside down.
   I heard many words from Mother Teresa during that Documentary but one sentence she said stuck out at me and has changed me forever. She said, "Do you know how I have come to pick up 40,000 poorest of the poor and dying people? One at a time." Then she described the first person she picked up off the streets. They asked her why she was doing it and she said, "Because I love you."
   Her challenge wasn't to change the world starting with 40,000 people. Her challenge was to ask the Lord where we called to make a difference and then start with one. Live our life one at a time and see where the Lord leads you.
   That video led me to pray to the Lord, "Make me like Mother Teresa. I want to be like her." I haven't picked up 40,000 people but my prayers are different. Instead of asking God to fill my selfish desires, I now ask for sacrifice and ways to lay my life down. I ask for God to give me strength for the journey and for enough mercy for me and for those around me. Use me Lord, use me!!!
   Thank you Mother Teresa for leading me to freedom.

10. The last thing I will share comes from my sweet dad. The man riddled with paranoia. Sometimes now I wonder if that man was more sane than we knew. There were so many things that he spoke of that we shook our heads and said, "tsk tsk dad, those are the thoughts that are not reality. Those aren't real." Looking back though, I can see how God broke through with Truth amidst the crazy.
   He was notorious for thinking he was Jesus, God, and Adam. And yet, when there was an altar call at church, he knew EXACTLY who the real Jesus was and what He did for my dad on the cross.
   I would often get calls at 5am from my dad because he was thinking all night and he couldn't wait to tell me something. Do you know what he called and told me most often? "Wendy. There is a crises coming. You need to stand firm in your faith. Promise me you will stand firm in your faith?" I would always shake my head in sadness that the paranoia had kept him up all night and agreed, "Yes, of course dad. I will." And he would relax. Every time I met with my dad the five years before he died, he would always make me promise to stand firm in my faith before we parted.
   Now, five years after dads death, I can look at those words with clarity apart from the crazy. He understood so clearly even through paranoia that THE most important response to crises is to stand firm in our faith. We get so busy trying to decode revelation that we miss the point. Stand firm. Do not deny Jesus and stand firm. Even to the point of death. That is the whole message to the persecuted church in Revelation.
   When I am on Facebook and I see the video's and articles of ISIS or read about missionaries who are held hostage because of their faith I put myself in their shoes and say quietly, "I will stand firm in my faith dad. You have helped me see the need for this. I am ready ahead of time. I will stand strong." I live in less fear because I know where I stand.
   Thank you dad for leading me to freedom. Thank you God for being able to break through his crazy and tell me the Truth I needed to hear.