The question of dating and children......

  
   My peach of an 11 year old, that I swear I just pushed out yesterday, has started liking girls.
In fact, just last week we were watching a respectable family movie and there happened to be an innocent kissing scene. Out of the corner of my eye, my son was mimicking every move with his mouth as he watched.....EEEEEEW!!!!!!  I really don't think he even knew he was doing it.
   I admit. I secretly checked out his technique to see if he was going to be one of those weird kissers. You can't tell me you don't wonder if your kids are going to be good at it!!?!?!?!
   After the movie there is always awesome dance music which is usually our cue to get up as a family and bust it out. I used to take my son in my arms and dance sweetly with him like he was my little man. Now after the movies we watch, he gets up and immediately does pelvic thrusting and a little dance I like to call, "check out my guns while I smell my armpits." It is not awesome.
   Fifth grade seems to be the age where kids start to seriously "go out" with each other. So inevitably my son came home one day and asked, "Can I have a girlfriend?" How do you answer that very important question?
   Part of why I started this blog is because I believe we don't have to do parenting like everyone else. We can think outside the box. We can expect something different from our children then the world expects. We can expect things of them and earn their respect so they will want to know what we think. We can lead them. Shape them.....dare to show them another way.
   I thought about that question, "Can I date someone mom?" I didn't want to say no. But I didn't want to say yes. What was important to me? Was it a magical age? Or was it a maturity level? At first I thought I would just know when my son would be ready. He should probably not sleep with his blankie anymore. He probably shouldn't be screaming for an hour before he gets a shot....
    My suggestion is that it is not an age level or a maturity level, but a standard. What do you want your child to know about dating, and what it means? As for me? I want my son to know that he will not treat a girl like an object. I want him to know that dating isn't for recreation or to fill a void in his life. It isn't for popularity or status.
   "Yes son, you can surely date." I said. "But it MUST be a relationship based on Bible Study and a deep mutual affection for Jesus." and I wasn't kidding.
   His immediate excitement was quickly changed to stunned. "I can't do that yet mom!" he said. "Well, when you feel you are starting to grow in your faith alongside a young lady that you respect. You will know you are ready. And it's worth waiting for." I said to encourage him.
   With that one invitation I have changed the way my son thinks about dating. I have entered into a process in which he wants to talk about relationships with me and figure out what it means to honor and respect a girl. I have invited him to have depth with someone. To join in common purpose with someone. To look at the heart and the mind and the soul and not just what a person looks like.
   I do not fear that I am taking away his childhood. On the contrary, I'm providing a safe place for him to grow into becoming a man. He wants that. And if he ever asks your daughter to go to Bible Study......let me know.