Doing the hard thing....

   Yesterday I came home from picking my son up from preschool and I ducked down hard at my door. There was a serious commotion above my head.
   I looked up to see a bird hanging by a thread from my porch light. When I looked closer, it wasn't a thread at all. The bird had been making a home in the light, and when it went to fly out, its toe got caught where the metal doesn't come together all the way. I could see the remnants of the toe at the base. And this thread it was hanging from, had to be a nerve because I could barely see it.
   I panicked and rushed my five year old into the house.
   We paced around the living room. I didn't want to go out there. I was thinking that I would just ignore it and it would go away. I would let it hang until it died. Then I would take care of it when I didn't have to look into its eyes and see the story of it all.
   It didn't take long to figure out that I couldn't let that poor thing suffer like that. But I knew the only way I could get it down was to cut it by the nerve and I surely didn't want to do that either!!!
   I paced and paced for about five minutes and then said, "I GOTTA DO IT...... DANG IT!!!! GET ME THE SCISSORS BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND!!!" And I pushed a chair under the light and took a notebook to hold underneath it so it could rest. My five year old was slow in getting the scissors, so there I stood. Arms aching because I'm not all that awesome and in shape. Sweating from being scared. I grabbed the scissors and reached my hand up toward this suffering creature and just didn't think about it and cut......and it flew away like nothing had happened.
   I shook for about five minutes after that.....Happy that the bird was flying around free....
   Today I can't stop thinking about that bird. What a simple thing to cut it off, but I was going to let it suffer for a long long time and even let it die because I couldn't do the split second thing that would help it go free.
   .........interesting isn't it?
   I think life is like that when we hold in unconfessed sin and secret shame. Holding things in our heart that make us heavy or guilty. Maybe even shameful or hard hearted. We are so much more willing to inwardly suffer and hang there and eventually die, when all it would take is looking someone in the eye to say, "I did this," or "this happened to me," or "you hurt me" and then we would fly. We would be free.
   Back when I was in college I was smitten with a boy. He was so nice and treated me well. There wasn't a mean bone in his body. He was careful with his words and thoughtful. And teaseworthy. VERY teaseworthy.
   One day we were walking through the forrest, after we had class together, on our campus and he said, "Can I tell you something?" and my heart started pounding because it wasn't a "can I profess my love to you for the first time" can I tell you something. It was an "I don't want to be your friend anymore" can I tell you something. There is a difference.
   We were walking so we didn't have to look at each other, thank GOD!!! And he simply said, "You teased me in front of a lot of people just now. I didn't like it. I usually don't mind if people tease me but you tapped into something deep."
   And I was SILENT......
   You have to understand. Even though I was just friends with this boy...I LOVED him...I had loved him for two years and in my head we had already gotten married and had several babies.
   So I did the very polite thing and cried silently, heart pounding. Know one had EVER said this sort of thing to me before. What does one do now?
   He was nice and kept talking. "It's not a big deal, I just have been convicted through scripture that I want to be real. So I'm trying it. I am daring to believe that we can have a friendship where we talk about these things."
   All I heard was "friendship."
   I looked at him, "Oh my gosh you STILL want to be friends with me?"
   And he said, "I would like you to say you're sorry first. That's usually how reconciliation happens."
   "I AM sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. Thank you for telling me! I can't believe you still want to be my friend."
   Then he said something that sealed my love for him forever. "It's like that with Jesus isn't it? He knows all of us, our good and our bad, and He still wants to be with us?"
   That day, we really became friends. He cut the nerve. We were free. And we still are.
   What about you? Do you feel like you are holding something in that is slowing killing you? Who do you need to talk to, confess to, share with?
   I tell you what......that bird is happy.